Iryna Kazulina: “Before chemical therapy, I asked to crop my hair close”

Iryna Kozulina in September 2007 narrated about her book on fighting the disease and waiting for her husband. Iryna found courage and strength to talk about it and help other people with the same problem.

Iryna, why are you doing it?

My first reaction, just like the reaction of any other woman is why me. Why has it happened to me? Clearly, nobody is looking for this disease or thinking about it. But what I knew for sure was that I had to get an immediate treatment. I was operated on. My family’s attitude was extremely important. All of them were positive. Thanks God that he gave me a happy character. I always feel confident deep down that everything will be all right.

I underwent a radioactive and a chemical therapy. I am very well familiar with all those problems of growing bald. Of course, it is all very hard. That’s why I asked for my hair to be cropped close before the therapy. So, we are sitting on a sofa together with the whole family. My children are looking at me and saying: “You have such a lovely little head!” It is very important. Unfortunately, not all the women have such a support. When in hospital, I was together with a woman who was left by her husband. They didn’t get along well, so when he learned about her disease, he said: “Now I can quit quietly”. So, he left her alone with a kid.

I had also problems with my weight. When you undergo a chemical therapy, you have to eat a lot in order to raise the level of white blood cells. I gained some 12-14 kg within one year of treatment. It was a big difference. Especially, I felt it at a New Year party in 1996 and 1997. A friend of our came to us and said: “Hey, Kozulin. Now you are with your wife. Were you with your mistress last year?” So, my looks were very different: 58 kg against 72 kg plus a short hair cut.

After the treatment, the disease somewhat disappeared…

Later, when it came back, I was shocked. I just can’t believe it. After eight years, everything was okay. Abruptly, you are faced with the same problems. What can you do? I have to pull myself together and start getting treatment again.

A conference on breast cancer ended recently. It is expected to pave the way for a volunteer movement to help women with breast cancer in Belarus. The conference is biannual event that is organized across CIS countries. In 2003, it took place in Vilnius; in 2005 in Kiev; in 2007 in Minsk.

The conference was attended by representatives from ten different countries. Iryna, what people were they?

They were the people who defeated their disease and are helping others. There were doctors or simply activists who were affected by the disease through their relatives, for example. There were also volunteers who thought it was right for them to do it on a free basis.

You are creating a volunteer movement. What are your plans?

The women who have recovered come to the other patients in a hospital. The words from doctors or relatives is one thing. Another thing is when a woman comes to the ward and say: Look, I was also here, but I have recovered and I am feeling good. Such a meeting can help more than appointments with psychologists.

We also gather groups of 10-12 people once a month. They discuss their problems. Some bring along new patients who still fear to go to doctors. There can also be those who underwent treatment and returned home but remained alone with their problem. This happens around the world. When a woman finds herself as part of such a selt-support group, it will be much easier for her to overcome the problem. She can copy the experience of others who earlier resolved their problem. For instance, she can learn how to prevent the edema from growing. After the chemical therapy, the woman grows bald. Where can she find a wig? Another important and difficult question is how to build relations within the family. Intimate relations can often get spoilt, because the man fears hurting the woman and tries not to disturb her. She might think that she is loved less. In these groups, the woman can share her experience. This is a priceless thing.

Do you have someone who is a role model for you?

I immediately recall one lady named Victoria. You see, she has this victorious name. She was operated on several times. She later said: “I realized that they would eventually cut me into pieces.” After another operation, she understood that she had to do something by herself. Very few manage to undergo treatment and return to the normal life without any changes. Very often, women change their lifestyles. For example, Victoria changed her diet completely. She is a pensioner, but she still works as a psychologist. She is constantly searching for something new, some new methods of body therapy, etc. She does it not only for herself but also in order to help others.

I visited her training sessions. She doesn’t give lectures. She simply can make people talk out. To me, Victoria is the example of an active viable woman. She can listen to herself very well, and she helps people.

I know that you are writing a book about the history of your disease? Which stage are you at?

So far, it looks more like a diary. First of all, it tells about my experience of curing with alternative methods. It also contains a lot of memoirs. It will be part of the program for women with breast cancer. I wanted to show them that they need to fight in any situation, and that it is not easy.

Your life is not quiet with all these developments in the country and the elections…Perhaps, it would be easier if your husband stayed away from all this?

I would never forgive me. Every person has its own life and own goals. It is not human or right to sacrifice. I think it would be more hard for me.

You talk a lot about your confidence deep down that everything will be all right. This confidence accompanies you throughout the whole life? Has it ever let you down?

I always hope that Alexander will soon be freed. When he was arrested and tried, I hope that he would be acquitted. I think my feelings let me down in this regard. I recall waking up one summer morning and thinking that he would be back home in the evening. So, you get these signals and I feel confident. But it later turns out that it is not true. It is very sad.


Photo: www.nv-online.info